wasted gifts

I was listening to a podcast today, like I do every day, and a woman was talking about how people are "an accumulation of detail." She said that most people are used to "not fully belonging or being one thing." And I thought about it. She was basically saying that no person is one thing. There are a lot of stereotypes about people and occupations and positions, and they're mostly true. But they're not completely true. I just watched a mob movie. Are all gangsters only concerned with whacking people, embezzling money, and eating cannoli? No, that's just a big part of it. Most people are a synthesis of beings.

So what am I? I think I ask this question too much, but let me answer it. I am a Christian. I am an American. I am a bowler. I am a movie watcher. I am a poker player. I am a podcast listener. I am a big fan of Dr. Pepper. I am an iPhone owner. I am a comedian. I am a Diplomacy player (great game by the way). These are individual identities that each come with their own stereotypes and clichés. But the category that my identity most resmbles is musician.

I love music. I've been a big fan of it since I was a kid. I've always loved listening. But then I discovered singing. Singing was great! You could sing whatever or whenever you want! So I joined a church choir, and then a boys choir in my town. I loved it. I could hear the notes and hit the pitches. It was easy and fun. Then I discovered instruments. How wonderful! That opened the door to theory, the order and system of music. I've always like to figure out patterns, and music was full of them. I taught myself scales and songs on the guitar and piano, and then the bass. I learned how to play the trombone in school. It was all patterns. If I heard a song, I could figure it out, and I loved figuring it out. But that wasn't all. Not only did I enjoy it for it's own sake, I got severely rewarded for it. My parents would brag to friends and family about me all the time. They always told me how good I was. The audience always applauded after I was done (I didn't know that it was just because I was a little kid). My mom always told me she was proud of me after I had finished a song. My dad was quick to buy me instruments and lessons. Music was great.

And that's how it all started. I still can't tell you completely why I love music. A lot of it is because it's easy. It wasn't til I got to college when I realized I really am good at music. I just thought no one tried hard enough. But eventually I realized that the theory of music, those patterns, came much easier to me than anyone else. It's a very, very strange thing to comprehend and embrace. That means I didn't do one thing to be good at music. I've met dozens of people who have little to no musical ability, but they love music just as much as I do. Some would really love to be able to do what I take advantage of every day. What I have is a gift.

I met a guy a few months ago that I didn't really like, but he said something that I will never forget. He was a friend of a friend, and we all went to an ice cream shop on a Friday night. We were planning to go play some video games afterwards. He was a friendly enough guy. But when he found out that all of us were musicians, he said, "You know, I just don't understand. There are so many people that wish they could have the talents and opportunity to play music for just one night, and you're all talented musicians that are about to go play video game. It's kind of a tragedy." Wow. That seriously affected me. That was a very heavy truth. And it's something I want to change. I tried to change after that. But it hasn't stuck. We'll see how that goes.

I mean yeah, I use my musical abilities. It's pretty much the only thing I ever get paid for (unless this blog thing works out). I'm in a few separate groups that have fun and meet. And now I'm realizing that's all for money too. But when do I ever play music for fun? How dumb am I? This will change.

It occurs to me what I'm doing. I have the biggest TV on the block, but I never watch it. I have the coolest car, but never drive it. I have the most beautiful wife, but I never kiss her. I have the tastiest steak in the world, but I never take a bite.

What gift are you wasting? Or is it just me?