Work

There's not a ton of bad things you could say about me. Well maybe there are, but I generally wouldn't agree to them. But one label that could fit me is lazy. It's not too bad. I did graduate from high school and get into college on a full scholarship. And then I graduated college. And then I found a great job right out of school. So it's nothing that has impaired my ability to do what I'm supposed to do. I would just define my laziness like this: doing what I need to do and nothing more. There was a time in my sophomore year of college where I worked very hard. I made good grades on all 18 hours of school. And I worked 30 hours a week as a cashier at Wal-Mart. But I didn't like it. My job wasn't interesting and I was just too tired all of the time for no reason. To me, there was no point.

I've always been one of those guys that wanted to graduate and then retire. I just want to spend time with family and do what I like to do. I always thought that if I had enough money, my life would be divided up between playing with my kids, playing music with friends, playing golf or something like that, and watching the sunset every night. Work to me seemed dumb. It seemed like it's what people have to do to live. They don't enjoy it. It drains them. People only do it until they can finally stop doing it for a couple years, and then die. It seemed tedious and mechanical and boring and dreary.

But now I get it. I don't know why it took me so long, but I get it. I absolutely love work. I love putting on a tie every morning and making sure I look professional for my bosses and my students. I love driving to work with the rest of the working people in the city. I love waiting at red lights with them and wondering why we're only going 40 mph on the highway. I can't get enough of actually doing my job. I love making kids sit still and teaching the same kid 20 times where to put his fingers on his saxophone. I enjoy them thanking me at the end of every class. I love being able to do my job and I love doing it as good as it can be done. I try to be the best band director I can be. I love working at home. I feel great when I get to talk to parents on the phone every evening. And then I answer their emails. And then I get to write out music for some of my more advanced players. Then I can work on fliers for the my next assembly.

I was not like this in school. If I didn't see the point to doing my humanities homework, I didn't do it. If an assignment was too easy or irrelevant, then there was no point in even looking at it. I didn't let schoolwork get into my free time after school; that was the time I had fun and did what I wanted to do. School was something I went to because I had to. I had to get that degree, but I wasn't going to work any harder than I had to. But now I understand working harder than I have to. I want to work harder than I have to. I love working harder than I have to. School has never been fulfilling, but going to work every day is the most satisfying thing I've ever done. So I give it my all. I've never been so tired, but I've also never been so happy about being tired. The thing that stands out most to me is how fulfilling work is. It makes me feel substantial and complete.

Another amazing feeling is earning. Not only does my work emotionally fulfill my soul, but it fills my bank account as well. There is absolutely nothing like making my own money. I'm not really sure why it's different. I've made plenty of money before. But it might just be the fact that I'm now able to commit everything to my job, and the pay reflects that.

The word "work" has never meant anything good to me. It made me think of slave labor or of the plodding, repetitive, daily grind. But now work is a pursuit. It's my endeavor, my profession. I realize that I still do enjoy the weekends. But not as an escape or a liberation. But as a time to rest and get ready for the next week of work.

I can't wait until Monday.