Happiness

I am the happiest man in the world. A lot of people might say this because of one thing. They have a lot of money, or they have the best girlfriend in the world. Well although I do have the best girlfriend in the world, the answer is much deeper than that. I guess the question is why I am I the happiest man in the world.

Here's the easy answer, I'm a Christian. I have joy from Christ. Scientifically, this would be the only answer. It's the only thing that has constantly been with me since I've been the happiest man in the world, which has been about 8 years now. But I know some Christians that are the saddest people in the world. So that doesn't make sense. I think the joy of the Lord is the source of my happiness, but I think I figured out how it works.

Let me show you how I think, maybe that will show you why I'm so happy.

Fall is my favorite season. The weather is perfect, it's not too hot anymore. The leaves are beautiful. There's a tree in my front yard that turns the most beautiful colors, I love to watch it change. The sky is often covered in blue clouds. I love the look of my neighborhood when everything is blue. And the World Series is so exciting.

Winter is my favorite season. I guess I'm still a kid because I love playing in the snow. I love snow days. I like sliding on ice. I love when everything is shut down because of the ice. Everything is so beautiful when it's covered in snow. Christmas is wonderful. And I love the cold. I get to wear a coat, and I love wearing coats. And I can make my chili as much as I want, and I love my chili.

Spring is my favorite season. It's nice to be able to be warm again and not have to worry about wearing a coat all the time. Things come to life in the spring. The flowers bloom and the trees bud. It's a time when we can go back outside and play baseball. Or we can sit on a bench and enjoy nature. It's nice to be able to just roll the windows down in the car, or even to drive a convertible with the top down.

Summer is my favorite season. It's finally warm enough to go swimming, and I love swimming. Baseball season is in full swing and there's a game everyday to watch. But the best part of all, school is out! There's freedom, free time to do whatever I want. Summer is the time for vacations. Time to spend with family and in new exciting places. It's the only time of year that we can see fireworks. And it leads into my favorite season, fall.

See what I mean. Here's another example. If we're at dinner and you ask my what my favorite food is, the answer will almost always be whatever I have in front of me. Why? Not because I lie to myself or to you. But because I am content. If I had a Mexico Lindo taco in front of me, there is no reason to want any other type of food. I like those tacos, and they're right there. And when it's summer, there is no reason to wish it was any other season. I have summer and I should enjoy it. It's really as easy as that. I realized why the grass is always greener on the other side. We all know that it's just because it's on the other side. So my reasoning is that if the grass is always greener on our side, we'll be much happier people. And if we're happier people, then the grass really will be greener on our side.

It takes a little more than that, I guess. I had to learn to really appreciate what I have. Take my car for example. Some people would focus on the fact that it has massive amount of hail damage. They might point out that my only cupholder broke and now I have to put my cup in the passenger seat. They would say that I pay twice as much in gas than most of my friends. They could point out that the check engine light is almost always on and every driver side windsheild wiper I buy doesn't work. But when I look at my car I see completely different things. First I notice it's completely mine. I make no payments to anyone else for it. I bought it straight up with cash. I see the new tires I bought a few months ago. They'll last a long time. I see that I have enough space to put all my basses and amps, even my string bass. I see that it's more comfortable than most other cars. I see that it has a CD and cassette player, and I have to have both. I see the attractive leather seats. I see the room for 4 of my friends. I see the ample lighting and the working air conditioner.

I really appreciate what I have. I focus on the good and realize that the bad isn't really that bad. I learned to do that years ago. I'm not sure how I figured it out, but it sure works. I literally am the happiest man in the world. That's no joke. Can you find anyone happier? So try it sometime. It works.

Read more...

Conflict

I learned a lot of things in school that I didn't believe, or didn't want to believe. One of those things was that all stories have to have conflict and resolution. I was taught that there are different types of conflict: man vs. man, man vs. nature, man vs. self, etc. After comparing that to all the stories I had ever heard or read or had seen in movies or tv, I realized it was the truth. There has to be conflict to make a story good. Or, at least, there always is.

Even in music, there has to be conflict and resolution. Harmonically speaking, a song that never used conflict would be only one chord the whole time. The melody would have to stay on one note. And the rhythm would need to stay constant and steady. There are no songs like this for one reason: that would stink. No one would listen to a song like that. Even atonal music, which is sometimes made only of conflict, provides some sort of resolution at the end of every single piece, even if that's only silence at the end.

But I really want to not accept this. I don't generally like conflict. I think that's the point. People don't like conflict, so they like to see it resolved. That's why stories are so appealing. But I don't like the creation of conflict in the first place. But on the one hand, I don't like to hear about conflict, but on the other hand, stories would be worthless without it. So what would conflictless stories look like?

Star Wars
There is no empire. The republic runs the galaxy. Han Solo and Leia fall in love and live happily ever after. Luke gets really good at flying spacecraft and using his lightsaber for games. There's no need for storm troopers and everyone has droids that do all their work. All people sit around and are happy.

The Bible (I'm not trying to say it's fiction, but it is a great story)
Adam and Eve never eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They always worship and bring all glory to God. Satan doesn't exist. Sin and death never entered the world. There is no need for Jesus. Adam and Eve never had kids. They stayed in the Garden of Eden forever and were very happy to have each other and God.

Hansel and Gretel
They go on a walk through the woods. They don't get lost. They live happily ever after.

Jaws
There is no shark, the beach is fun. And no one gets sunburned.

CSI
No one died. Everyone gets the day off.

You get the picture.

But writing this, I still have to say that I don't accept this. Maybe no one else would want to hear any of these stories, but I think I would. A few of my favorite movies have conflict in them that I could do without. A Good Year is about a British business man visiting southern France and falling in love with it and with a woman there. Of course, there is some conflict in it, but that's not what makes me like the movie.

But it's not about the conflict, its about the resolution. The resolution give us a sense of completion, which is very important to us for some reason. When a story is over, we can rest. But can there be resolution without conflict? I don't know. Why do I ask so many questions in this blog? I don't know that either.

So that's one of the things I think about. What do you think?

Read more...

manners

My father taught me a lot of things over the years. I didn't realize until recently how powerfully one of these lessons has affected me. "You teach people how to treat you." I don't think I can recall one specific time when he's said that. I can't even imagine a scenario where he would. But I know Dad's said that to me dozens of times.

I've definitely taken that advice to heart. It's a strange thing to think about: how do you want people to treat you? I guess I've subconciously answered that. So this is my attempt at a concious answer. I, like most other people I'd guess, want to be respected. I think people will do crazy things for respect. Some people will do anything for it. I don't think there's a better word for how I want to be treated: I want to be shown respect.

And how is respect shown. I've recently realized how important manners are to me. It's important that people are polite, even people I've known all of my life. Is this weird? Should I be ok with rudeness of my closest friends and family? I really don't know that answer, but I know that I do expect it. I want those around me to use "please" and "thank you." I expect my friends to be generous, and be grateful when I am as generous as them. I want them to be considerate of my feelings and my situations. And, of course, I want to be around people who will appreciate my politeness towards them. I try to treat others as I want to be treated, and that is with respect.

So back to teaching people, how do I do that? I can't issue them report cards. I don't want to punish disrespect with violence or any other threat. It's kind of pointless to beg for it. My only real option is to only deal with people who deal with me correctly. Again, is this normal? I guess it's hard to know what normal is. I know that I have no idea. But how would anyone else?

I've found that my solution has a problem. There are a lot of people that I used to be friends with that don't treat anyone with respect. They have no tact and don't even know what "considerate" means. Not only are they ok with rudeness, they sometimes embrace it. They are selfish and/or self serving. They are deliberately judgemental and haughty. I think there are only very rare situations where any of these qualities are good. I was friends with these people when I was younger, though, not much. I guess I've grown a lot in the last year. I liked them because they were funny and talented. I guess I never understood that that didn't make them pleasant to be around.

So I guess I have a solution to my problem that comes from my previous solution: new friends. There are a few of my current friends who do have manners and are considerate. I don't know how they got there, but I really appreciate them. But for the most part I don't want to deal with those other people. So I won't. I'm entering a whole new part of my life. From child to adult. I guess I'm going to have to get rid of those child friends, and get adult friends.

I still have so many questions. Why aren't these people becoming adults? How do I get rid of friends? What should I do about family members who don't treat me with the respect I require? I can't just ignore them. How do I find new friends who know how to be polite? Are my standards too high? Am I being dumb?

Obviously I don't have all the answers. Do you have any ideas?

One of my favorite movies, Blast from the Past has taught me that "manners are a way of showing other people we care about them." I only want to be around people who care about me.

Read more...